Query Letter - Suggestions Welcome
Jun. 15th, 2010 11:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
abracanabraSo, this is the rough draft for my query letter. Suggestions are absolutely 100% welcome! No previous knowledge of Vicesteed required.
Dear [Agent]:
Valinda only remembers life as a vicesteed, living in a theme park of depravity where her experiences are broadcast to a discerning audience. One of her scripted experiences goes wrong, leaving the other vicesteed severely injured. During the routine clinic visit afterwards, she overhears a plan to wipe out her memory--again. Using the augments she's been given to survive being a vicesteed, she breaks out and flees. She finds herself in an unfamiliar Victorian world where she must fight to find out who she was, who took away her memories, and what she really did in her role as a vicesteed.
Rosemary is a gently bred young lady with an unfeminine inclination to build clockwork automata and dangerous ties to an anti-homechulus rebel underground. Troubled by what she experienced during sensorium treatments for her unfeminine inclinations, she seems to be easy prey for a charismatic rebel leader who plans an explosion to weaken the monarchy.
Quincy is hired to investigate the sudden, mysterious illness and eventual death of the Prince Consort. The answer lies with these two very different women. To find it, he'll have to rise to investigate a conspiracy at the highest levels, and he'll have to sink deep into a dark underbelly where the poor are put in workhouses to fuel homechuli, the artificial intelligences that the society depends upon.
Vicesteed is a steampunk, locked-room murder mystery.
I have had short stories accepted at publications including Jim Baen's Universe, Art Times, Allegory, and Strange, Weird, and Wonderful Magazine. I also maintain Aswiebe's Market List, a resource for science fiction, fantasy, and horror writers.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Abra Staffin-Wiebe
[contact info]
Dear [Agent]:
Valinda only remembers life as a vicesteed, living in a theme park of depravity where her experiences are broadcast to a discerning audience. One of her scripted experiences goes wrong, leaving the other vicesteed severely injured. During the routine clinic visit afterwards, she overhears a plan to wipe out her memory--again. Using the augments she's been given to survive being a vicesteed, she breaks out and flees. She finds herself in an unfamiliar Victorian world where she must fight to find out who she was, who took away her memories, and what she really did in her role as a vicesteed.
Rosemary is a gently bred young lady with an unfeminine inclination to build clockwork automata and dangerous ties to an anti-homechulus rebel underground. Troubled by what she experienced during sensorium treatments for her unfeminine inclinations, she seems to be easy prey for a charismatic rebel leader who plans an explosion to weaken the monarchy.
Quincy is hired to investigate the sudden, mysterious illness and eventual death of the Prince Consort. The answer lies with these two very different women. To find it, he'll have to rise to investigate a conspiracy at the highest levels, and he'll have to sink deep into a dark underbelly where the poor are put in workhouses to fuel homechuli, the artificial intelligences that the society depends upon.
Vicesteed is a steampunk, locked-room murder mystery.
I have had short stories accepted at publications including Jim Baen's Universe, Art Times, Allegory, and Strange, Weird, and Wonderful Magazine. I also maintain Aswiebe's Market List, a resource for science fiction, fantasy, and horror writers.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Abra Staffin-Wiebe
[contact info]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-16 11:13 pm (UTC)Frist, you lost me on the frist two sentances. I admit that I'm not a Steampunk reader/follower, so I was pretty confused by the term "vicesteed". Is it a common Steampunk character type? If not, I'd include a sentence or phrase of what a vicesteed is right away.
Also, from the setup, I wouldn't have ever guessed you were building to a mystery, I would have guessed Thriller or Drama. Maybe you could say something like, "Professor Plum is dead and the golden dagger is missing. Now the race is on to catch the killer before he kills again," as an intro before you introduce the charaters?
And finally, Valinda's charater writeup as a whole doesn't grab me (once again, maybe if I knew what a vicesteed was...), could you start with Rosemary? Her story does set up/imply steampunk to me quite quickly.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-16 11:21 pm (UTC)Upon reading Rosmary's writuep again, I would just take out the first unfeminine (since she doesn't think it is), and leave in the second implying that scociety thinks she is unfeminine.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-17 12:20 am (UTC)Can you parse why that sentence didn't carry through for you?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-17 09:21 pm (UTC)Honestly, I just think you have too many concepts in one sentence. Maybe:
Valinda only remembers life as a vicesteed, where her experiences of forced depravity are broadcast to a discerning audience.
Is the theme park really important as thematic discriptor? I also agree with some of the other comments that said that "discerning" could be better defined. Mabye instead you could even say:
Valinda only remembers life as a vicesteed, where her experiences of forced depravity are broadcast to an appreciative clientel.
I don't know anything about your story, so I don't know if the "audience" are clients or just some random people who go in for that kind of thing and are willing to pay for it. So word usage should be adjusted accordingly.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-18 01:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-17 02:43 am (UTC)