Reviews, Recipes, and Random Slices of Life

Anybody interested in reading and commenting on the short story I just finished? It's a medieval steampunk story about fixing some problems left over from the war.

Excerpt

The duke's complaints weren't surprising: the letter held the same litany as all the rest. However, the duke pressed for the decommissioning of the iron dragons using reasons more interesting than, "I can't afford it," and, "We're at peace, we don't need them." He argued that the dragons posed a clear threat to the stability of the realm and the safety and the productivity of the dukedoms. The closing of the letter was what raised Bertrand's eyebrows. It seemed to be almost a threat, albeit a most peculiar one.

This is not to say that the iron dragons do not have their uses under the command of their duke. Mine patrols during harvest season, to scare off large predators and destroy those with the temerity to raid the harvest. But as I grow old and feebleminded, who can predict what fancies might seize me? These war machines are too powerful to leave in the hands of us fallible mortals. One need only consider the plight of the peasants in my domain's northwest neighbor to see what folly may result. It would be the act of a wise king to remove the iron dragons to a central location where they can be overseen by personnel from the royal household.

And no doubt also have their maintenance paid for from the royal purse, Bertrand thought, tapping the letter against his desk. The plight of the peasants in my domain's northwest neighbor. . . . What had the Duke of Filberg been referring to? Filberg's northwest neighbor was Kardell, a small, mountainous dukedom at the edge of Achromia. They were known for the fine wool that their sheep produced and for sky tears, light blue semi-precious stones found in caves throughout the dukedom. Their old duke had died six months ago without children, Bertrand recalled, and the heirs disputed each others' claims to the dukedom, but so far the worst it had resulted in was much shouting and many visits to the genealogy records. Neither the claimants nor the steward had written letters complaining about the strain of the Kardell iron dragon's upkeep.

Upon consideration, that seemed decidedly suspicious.

Boy do I ever need a good title. "Iron Dragon" is too close to the iconic "Iron Dragon's Daughter", "Pneumatic Knights" sounds like porn. Key phrases are love, rescuing beautiful maidens, post-war difficulties, how technology makes others feel like they have no place, pneumatics, aetheric spirits, steampunk, the difficulties of being the king's private secretary, idle knights...I don't know. "Iron Dragon, Rusting Knights?"

But yay for finishing a story again. This one was written mostly on the couch, as I recovered from knee surgery.

"Pneumatic Knights" Writing Log



Words: 1,102
Total words: 7,037
Overused word: bolts
Gratuitous word: trundled
Type of scene: The beautiful girl saves herself from the dragon, with a little help.
Challenge(s): Wrapping up the ending post-haste, describing the means without seeming to cheat.
Which line is it anyways?He watched as she gracefully rose to stand, balanced, on the ridge of the iron dragon's back. (No big deal, you might think, but this was the second-most-difficult line to write in a coherent fashion.)
Notes: Done! Done! Done! So happy.
Other writingy stuff: None on that day.